I beleive the 9/11 Commission Report is factual information ciac.

I let my beer breathe after opening ciac. -Deidre

I have a 1-hole mini golf course in my backyard ciac.

The only Star Wars character I ever quote is Jar Jar Binks ciac.

I do a 15 point inspection on my shoes before wearing ciac.

I ride my bike on a skateboard ciac. -thomas

I have spinners on my rolling luggage ciac.

I have a degree in dog breeding ciac.

I only karaoke disney songs ciac.

I have band practice at Guitar Center ciac. -Kelley

I used comic sans for the font on my wedding invites ciac.

I pull people water skis behind my yacht ciac.

I gained 300 lbs so i could compete on The Biggest Loser ciac.

I always run my computer in safe mode ciac.

I sneak whole cooked pizzas into the movie theatre ciac.

I buy jeans with holes and patch them before wearing ciac.

I format my computer's hard drive twice a day ciac. -deidre

I hit on mannequins ciac.

I beat cancer with placebos ciac.- jake

I still post things on this site ciac.

I have my belly button professionally cleaned ciac.

I have a dildo refurbishing business ciac.

I dont really know the back of my hand very well ciac.

I carve my pumpkins with a sawzall ciac.

I order my pizza with extra crust ciac.

Starving children in Africa send me 50 cents a day ciac.

I wear fake back hair ciac.

I only pimp women 60+ years old ciac.

I use kosher pepper ciac. -deidre

I hit the bong while gassing up my car ciac.

My glass eye is lazy ciac.

I play wow on dial up ciac.

I dash before i dine ciac.

I fold and organize my dirty laundry ciac.

I smoke cigarettes through my nose ciac.

I eat my food in the bathroom of the restaurant ciac.

I only fish if i can see the whole school caic.

I trip balls on canned mushrooms ciac.

I order a drink carrier at the bar ciac.

I play jump rope with downed power lines ciac.

I only gamble with loaves of sour dough bread ciac.

I successfully commited suicide with an air-soft pistol ciac.

I photoshopped my dick to look smaller ciac.

I break laws ciac.

I ask paper or plastic before intercourse ciac.

I counterfeit ones just to get by ciac.

I mismatched my prison socks and my jail socks ciac.

I think Sports Center is a parody ciac.

I steal non-alcoholic beer ciac.

I named all of my children after serial killers ciac.

I shoot to maim ciac. -dylan

I make all my booty calls at 11 a.m. ciac.

I shot Osama bin Laden in the face, gave him a bow tie and dumped his body in the ocean ciac.

I poop with the door open ciac.

My farts are chunky ciac.

Mary W.

I can speak braille ciac.

I drink to the power half-hour ciac.

When my boat hits icebergs THEY sink ciac.

I tailgate before the opera ciac.

I buy clothes at Saves to sell on ebay for a profit ciac.

I own the What Wouldn't Satan Do bracelet ciac.

I converted my boat into a car ciac. -deidre

I use a #1 pencil on scantron exams ciac.

My homepage is www.goatse.cx ciac.

I have a prosthetic brain ciac.

I call 911 just to chat ciac.

(I have to credit Nomeansno for this one though...from Everyday I Start To Ooze.)

I only dip recycled chew ciac. - Skyler

I cum on my own face ciac.

I only participate in two player spin the bottle ciac.

I eat the fat and throw the steak away ciac.

I remove unwanted tattoos with a wire brush ciac.

When my guitar gets out of tune i get a new one ciac.

I wear a life jacket in the bathtub ciac.

I call radio stations and request commercials ciac.

I can order pizza with my mind ciac.

I only text myself ciac. - blonde josh

I speed up before speed bumps ciac.

I use badgers instead of gerbils ciac.

I never share the road ciac.

I donate leftovers to the food bank ciac.

I get a sex change every couple of weeks ciac.

The best part about us is me ciac.

I ask homeless people for their autographs ciac.

I date rich old men purely for their good looks ciac.

I still use AOL ciac. -Drew

I do not respond to sexts ciac.

I have SkyMall sent to my house ciac.

I own every NOW compilation on vinyl ciac.

I yell out my own name during sex ciac. -Jake

I prostitute myself for free ciac.

I sunk my own battleship ciac.

I tell my neighbors i'm a registered sex offender for fun ciac.

I turn my computer off by unplugging it ciac.

I eat my crackers before i eat my cheese ciac. -Dylan

I roll up my sleeves before i take a piss ciac.

I have a koozy for my growler ciac.

Since posting this I have found that they do make these, which renders this statement not quite as criminal as originally perceived...

I fold royal flushes ciac. -Skyler

I have a fried chicken scented car air freshener ciac.

I roll and smoke nicorette ciac.

I chase my tequila with scotch ciac.

I believe air is one of the noble gases ciac.

I knock on plastic for good luck ciac.

I garnish my vegatables with msg ciac.

Every time I die I am reincarnated as myself ciac.

I'm sorry for what i ate ciac.

I got surgery to make myself fatter ciac.

I'm only out on tuesdays and thursdays ciac.

I published an autobiography at the age of fifteen ciac.

I trained my dog to attack the mail man ciac.

I get eleven points for a strike ciac.

Some I thought of today...

I save Word documents after every letter I type ciac.
My urine is potable ciac. (that helps you, Henry)
I only date girls with grills ciac.
I was a law-abiding citizen for Halloween ciac.

I will just drink your pee if i'm really thirsty ciac.

I dip my oreos in water ciac.

I do keg stands without help ciac.

I only get hard-ons in full elevators ciac. -Drew

I call the cops on my own parties ciac. -Drew

I put bumper stickers all over my ferrari ciac.

I chain smoke while running marathons ciac.

I shave my face with a lawn mower ciac.

When I speak a foreign language, I only use cognates ciac.

I cash in poker chips at coinstar ciac.

My car has five reverse gears too ciac.

I got shot TEN times ciac.

I drink Steel Reserve for the flavor ciac.

I drink REAL bloody mary's ciac.

I take whiskey to wine tastings ciac.

MS-DOS is my primary operating system ciac.

I hit seven outta six playing keno ciac.

I drink beer ditches ciac.

I attend funerals in my pjs ciac.

I put my keyboard through the dishwasher ciac

I do drive by shootings on my big wheel ciac.

I shotgun O'Doul's cause I'm a criminal.

I google Ask Jeeves ciac.

I hunt from my golf cart ciac

I take my mobile home camping ciac.

I burned books in kindergarten ciac. -john

I cut my own cord ciac.

My favorite position is missionary ciac.

I buy my condoms online ciac

I fuck with Wu Tang Clan ciac.

I use spare car parts for bling ciac.

I still listen to Savage Garden ciac.

I highly recommend Nickleback ciac.

I mosh at Enya shows ciac.

I have the operator on speed dial #9 ciac.

I murdered Chuck Norris ciac.

I drink and drive when I race Indy cars ciac.

Some from Joe D

I date girls who are 17 years and 364 days old ciac.
I'm glad NBC stuck with Leno ciac.

I iron my socks ciac.

I specify that my food is to-go in the drive-thru ciac. -Drew

I snipe people at point blank range ciac.

I use ten ply toilet paper ciac.

I jack off to Precious ciac. -Paige

I wear my birthday suit over top of my regular clothes ciac.

The devil sold his soul to me ciac.

I dress DOWN before going to the mall ciac.

I signal left when I know I'm turning right ciac.

I own every Steven Seagal dvd box set ciac.

I have a negative GPA ciac. -Deidre

I use the comic sans font for everything I type ciac.

I claim every cent of my tips ciac. -Skyler

My hot tub is set to 98.6 degrees ciac.

I ride reverse cowgirl on the mechanical bull ciac.

I start fires under smoke detectors ciac.

I buy all my firewood from Albertsons Ciac.
I sip my wine out of shot glasses Ciac.
I started smoking cigarettes only TO get addicted Ciac.

This is my favorite song ciac.

I put up posters with grade 8 bolts ciac.

I sell food to freegans ciac.

I wrecked my car so I wouldnt have to go to work ciac.

I committed suicide on Survivor ciac.

...and I still won a million dollars.

I built a time machine out of my 1987 Ford Taurus ciac.

My middle name is Caution ciac.

I give out joints on Halloween ciac.

I only smoke cigarette filters ciac.

From Ian

I pee sitting down cause I'm a criminal.

Some I had saved...

I roofie my girlfriend ciac.
I ask homeless people for money ciac. -wt
I break into other people's houses and clean them ciac. -wt
I can drive two cars at a time ciac. -wt
I take my wife to a bachelor party ciac.
(unknown)


I download spyware on purpose ciac.
I have a coke nail on my toe ciac.
I pull cops over ciac.
Will


I get 86'd from Applebee's ciac.
I put the Bible in the fiction section ciac.
Jake

I only listen to vinyl rips ciac.
I drunk dial my mom ciac.
I google Google ciac.
I chase microbrews with Bud Light ciac.
I face my bills before I spend them ciac.
I smoke twenty-FOUR feet from buildings ciac.
I drink white wine from a red wine glass ciac.
I perm my pubes ciac.
I put jarred sauce on homemade pasta ciac.
I read Highlights for the articles ciac.
I only drink grain alcohol and Keystone Light ciac.
I only use prime numbers ciac.
I OD on marijuana ciac.
I put filters on my Lucky Strikes ciac.
My ringtone is MMMBop ciac.
me

A true criminal made this video.

Mobile uploads (authors only)

Go to Settings > Email and Mobile. Scroll all the way down and click "Add a mobile device."

Mobile (SMS) uploads post as body-type text (small, white) and not heading type (big, orange). But you can't beat convenience.

My favorite color is tan ciac.

Master list download

Link for the master list... will be updated regularly as new ones come in.

http://www.mediafire.com/causeimacriminal

More from the archives...

My shadow weighs 200 lbs ciac.
I tell my kids Santa is gay ciac.
I take a GPS on tour ciac.
-Kelley

I use the granny stick for every shot ciac.
-Skyler

I buy beer for older people ciac.
I got my eyeballs pierced ciac.
I put keef on resin bowls ciac.
I Netflix VHS tapes ciac.
-Will

I key my own car cause I'm a criminal.

Past CIAC's Will and Skyler

These are originals from years ago when we first started keeping track of them.

I wipe my ass with bacon ciac.
I usually have diarrhea ciac.
I preheat the oven when I'm not cooking ciac.
I eat sandwiches without the bread ciac.
I play pool with my dick ciac.
I eat chicks out with a fork ciac.
I listen to Barbie Girl and masturbate ciac.
My favorite movie is The Fog ciac.
I only wear temporary tattoos ciac.
I sample grapes at the supermarket ciac.
I only date chicks on eHarmony ciac.
I crush lines of monster trucks with my moped ciac.
I cut my own leg off with a plastic spoon ciac.
I brush my teeth with hydrochloric acid ciac.
I watch DVDs in the VCR ciac.
I only put in one contact ciac.
I set my thermostat to 85 in the summer ciac.
I floss my teeth with g-strings ciac.
I bring oscillating fans to parties ciac.
I bong bongwater ciac.
I watch Sci-Fi original movies ciac.
I put roofies in my own drinks ciac.
I know where the hood is at ciac.
I play solitare at LAN parties ciac.
I watch movies on cable for the commercials ciac.
When I build puzzles I start in the middle ciac.
I buy new phone batteries instead of recharging them ciac.
Idon'tusespacewhenItxtciac.
I make moon tea ciac.
I pay for all you can eat buffets when I'm not hungry ciac.
I only lube up after I beat off ciac.
I clean my house with bleach and ammonia ciac.
I use an annoying strand of beef jerky as a toothpick ciac. -HB
I use water to put out grease fires ciac.
I listen to silent movie soundtracks in my car ciac.
I purposely void the warranty the day I buy anything ciac.
I watch Tivo in rewind ciac.

I show my ID at an all ages show cause I'm a criminal.

I poop in the shower cause I'm a criminal.

-Jake

I Netflix VHS tapes cause I'm a criminal.

-Will