I sunk my own battleship ciac.

I tell my neighbors i'm a registered sex offender for fun ciac.

I turn my computer off by unplugging it ciac.

I eat my crackers before i eat my cheese ciac. -Dylan

I roll up my sleeves before i take a piss ciac.

I have a koozy for my growler ciac.

Since posting this I have found that they do make these, which renders this statement not quite as criminal as originally perceived...

I fold royal flushes ciac. -Skyler

I have a fried chicken scented car air freshener ciac.

I roll and smoke nicorette ciac.