I tailgate before the opera ciac.

I buy clothes at Saves to sell on ebay for a profit ciac.

I own the What Wouldn't Satan Do bracelet ciac.

I converted my boat into a car ciac. -deidre

I use a #1 pencil on scantron exams ciac.

My homepage is www.goatse.cx ciac.

I have a prosthetic brain ciac.

I call 911 just to chat ciac.

(I have to credit Nomeansno for this one though...from Everyday I Start To Ooze.)

I only dip recycled chew ciac. - Skyler

I cum on my own face ciac.

I only participate in two player spin the bottle ciac.

I eat the fat and throw the steak away ciac.

I remove unwanted tattoos with a wire brush ciac.

When my guitar gets out of tune i get a new one ciac.

I wear a life jacket in the bathtub ciac.

I call radio stations and request commercials ciac.

I can order pizza with my mind ciac.

I only text myself ciac. - blonde josh

I speed up before speed bumps ciac.

I use badgers instead of gerbils ciac.

I never share the road ciac.

I donate leftovers to the food bank ciac.

I get a sex change every couple of weeks ciac.

The best part about us is me ciac.

I ask homeless people for their autographs ciac.

I date rich old men purely for their good looks ciac.

I still use AOL ciac. -Drew

I do not respond to sexts ciac.

I have SkyMall sent to my house ciac.

I own every NOW compilation on vinyl ciac.

I yell out my own name during sex ciac. -Jake

I prostitute myself for free ciac.

I sunk my own battleship ciac.

I tell my neighbors i'm a registered sex offender for fun ciac.

I turn my computer off by unplugging it ciac.

I eat my crackers before i eat my cheese ciac. -Dylan

I roll up my sleeves before i take a piss ciac.

I have a koozy for my growler ciac.

Since posting this I have found that they do make these, which renders this statement not quite as criminal as originally perceived...

I fold royal flushes ciac. -Skyler

I have a fried chicken scented car air freshener ciac.

I roll and smoke nicorette ciac.

I chase my tequila with scotch ciac.

I believe air is one of the noble gases ciac.

I knock on plastic for good luck ciac.

I garnish my vegatables with msg ciac.

Every time I die I am reincarnated as myself ciac.

I'm sorry for what i ate ciac.

I got surgery to make myself fatter ciac.

I'm only out on tuesdays and thursdays ciac.

I published an autobiography at the age of fifteen ciac.

I trained my dog to attack the mail man ciac.

I get eleven points for a strike ciac.

Some I thought of today...

I save Word documents after every letter I type ciac.
My urine is potable ciac. (that helps you, Henry)
I only date girls with grills ciac.
I was a law-abiding citizen for Halloween ciac.

I will just drink your pee if i'm really thirsty ciac.

I dip my oreos in water ciac.

I do keg stands without help ciac.

I only get hard-ons in full elevators ciac. -Drew

I call the cops on my own parties ciac. -Drew

I put bumper stickers all over my ferrari ciac.

I chain smoke while running marathons ciac.

I shave my face with a lawn mower ciac.

When I speak a foreign language, I only use cognates ciac.

I cash in poker chips at coinstar ciac.

My car has five reverse gears too ciac.

I got shot TEN times ciac.

I drink Steel Reserve for the flavor ciac.

I drink REAL bloody mary's ciac.

I take whiskey to wine tastings ciac.

MS-DOS is my primary operating system ciac.

I hit seven outta six playing keno ciac.

I drink beer ditches ciac.

I attend funerals in my pjs ciac.

I put my keyboard through the dishwasher ciac

I do drive by shootings on my big wheel ciac.

I shotgun O'Doul's cause I'm a criminal.

I google Ask Jeeves ciac.

I hunt from my golf cart ciac

I take my mobile home camping ciac.

I burned books in kindergarten ciac. -john

I cut my own cord ciac.

My favorite position is missionary ciac.

I buy my condoms online ciac

I fuck with Wu Tang Clan ciac.

I use spare car parts for bling ciac.

I still listen to Savage Garden ciac.

I highly recommend Nickleback ciac.

I mosh at Enya shows ciac.

I have the operator on speed dial #9 ciac.

I murdered Chuck Norris ciac.

I drink and drive when I race Indy cars ciac.

Some from Joe D

I date girls who are 17 years and 364 days old ciac.
I'm glad NBC stuck with Leno ciac.

I iron my socks ciac.

I specify that my food is to-go in the drive-thru ciac. -Drew

I snipe people at point blank range ciac.

I use ten ply toilet paper ciac.

I jack off to Precious ciac. -Paige

I wear my birthday suit over top of my regular clothes ciac.

The devil sold his soul to me ciac.

I dress DOWN before going to the mall ciac.