I still post things on this site ciac.

I have my belly button professionally cleaned ciac.

I have a dildo refurbishing business ciac.

I dont really know the back of my hand very well ciac.

I carve my pumpkins with a sawzall ciac.

I order my pizza with extra crust ciac.

Starving children in Africa send me 50 cents a day ciac.

I wear fake back hair ciac.

I only pimp women 60+ years old ciac.

I use kosher pepper ciac. -deidre

I hit the bong while gassing up my car ciac.

My glass eye is lazy ciac.

I play wow on dial up ciac.

I dash before i dine ciac.

I fold and organize my dirty laundry ciac.

I smoke cigarettes through my nose ciac.

I eat my food in the bathroom of the restaurant ciac.

I only fish if i can see the whole school caic.

I trip balls on canned mushrooms ciac.

I order a drink carrier at the bar ciac.

I play jump rope with downed power lines ciac.

I only gamble with loaves of sour dough bread ciac.

I successfully commited suicide with an air-soft pistol ciac.

I photoshopped my dick to look smaller ciac.

I break laws ciac.

I ask paper or plastic before intercourse ciac.

I counterfeit ones just to get by ciac.

I mismatched my prison socks and my jail socks ciac.

I think Sports Center is a parody ciac.

I steal non-alcoholic beer ciac.

I named all of my children after serial killers ciac.

I shoot to maim ciac. -dylan

I make all my booty calls at 11 a.m. ciac.

I shot Osama bin Laden in the face, gave him a bow tie and dumped his body in the ocean ciac.

I poop with the door open ciac.

My farts are chunky ciac.

Mary W.

I can speak braille ciac.

I drink to the power half-hour ciac.

When my boat hits icebergs THEY sink ciac.

I tailgate before the opera ciac.

I buy clothes at Saves to sell on ebay for a profit ciac.

I own the What Wouldn't Satan Do bracelet ciac.

I converted my boat into a car ciac. -deidre

I use a #1 pencil on scantron exams ciac.

My homepage is www.goatse.cx ciac.

I have a prosthetic brain ciac.

I call 911 just to chat ciac.

(I have to credit Nomeansno for this one though...from Everyday I Start To Ooze.)

I only dip recycled chew ciac. - Skyler

I cum on my own face ciac.

I only participate in two player spin the bottle ciac.

I eat the fat and throw the steak away ciac.

I remove unwanted tattoos with a wire brush ciac.

When my guitar gets out of tune i get a new one ciac.

I wear a life jacket in the bathtub ciac.

I call radio stations and request commercials ciac.

I can order pizza with my mind ciac.

I only text myself ciac. - blonde josh

I speed up before speed bumps ciac.

I use badgers instead of gerbils ciac.

I never share the road ciac.

I donate leftovers to the food bank ciac.

I get a sex change every couple of weeks ciac.

The best part about us is me ciac.

I ask homeless people for their autographs ciac.

I date rich old men purely for their good looks ciac.

I still use AOL ciac. -Drew

I do not respond to sexts ciac.

I have SkyMall sent to my house ciac.

I own every NOW compilation on vinyl ciac.

I yell out my own name during sex ciac. -Jake

I prostitute myself for free ciac.

I sunk my own battleship ciac.

I tell my neighbors i'm a registered sex offender for fun ciac.

I turn my computer off by unplugging it ciac.

I eat my crackers before i eat my cheese ciac. -Dylan

I roll up my sleeves before i take a piss ciac.

I have a koozy for my growler ciac.

Since posting this I have found that they do make these, which renders this statement not quite as criminal as originally perceived...

I fold royal flushes ciac. -Skyler

I have a fried chicken scented car air freshener ciac.

I roll and smoke nicorette ciac.

I chase my tequila with scotch ciac.

I believe air is one of the noble gases ciac.

I knock on plastic for good luck ciac.

I garnish my vegatables with msg ciac.

Every time I die I am reincarnated as myself ciac.

I'm sorry for what i ate ciac.

I got surgery to make myself fatter ciac.

I'm only out on tuesdays and thursdays ciac.

I published an autobiography at the age of fifteen ciac.

I trained my dog to attack the mail man ciac.

I get eleven points for a strike ciac.

Some I thought of today...

I save Word documents after every letter I type ciac.
My urine is potable ciac. (that helps you, Henry)
I only date girls with grills ciac.
I was a law-abiding citizen for Halloween ciac.

I will just drink your pee if i'm really thirsty ciac.

I dip my oreos in water ciac.

I do keg stands without help ciac.

I only get hard-ons in full elevators ciac. -Drew

I call the cops on my own parties ciac. -Drew

I put bumper stickers all over my ferrari ciac.

I chain smoke while running marathons ciac.