I do not respond to sexts ciac.

I have SkyMall sent to my house ciac.

I own every NOW compilation on vinyl ciac.

I yell out my own name during sex ciac. -Jake

I prostitute myself for free ciac.

I sunk my own battleship ciac.

I tell my neighbors i'm a registered sex offender for fun ciac.

I turn my computer off by unplugging it ciac.

I eat my crackers before i eat my cheese ciac. -Dylan

I roll up my sleeves before i take a piss ciac.

I have a koozy for my growler ciac.

Since posting this I have found that they do make these, which renders this statement not quite as criminal as originally perceived...

I fold royal flushes ciac. -Skyler

I have a fried chicken scented car air freshener ciac.

I roll and smoke nicorette ciac.

I chase my tequila with scotch ciac.

I believe air is one of the noble gases ciac.

I knock on plastic for good luck ciac.

I garnish my vegatables with msg ciac.

Every time I die I am reincarnated as myself ciac.

I'm sorry for what i ate ciac.